Two Dollar Couplets

Did you screw up today
and buy a gas station gift?
Well I’ve got an idea
that don’t stink of thrift.

How about a rhyming poem
each couplet is two bucks
And with your sweetheart
you’ll have the best luck

Maybe you’re laughing
but this ain’t a joke
I need some extra cash
to be a little less broke

If you scoff at the price
and feel it’s too rich
Well, screw you too
I’m a capitalist, bitch!

By now you realize
I drop rhymes like the bomb
For more info e-mail

The Backstory

There is a fellow, let’s call him “T,” who has been hung up on a particular girl for a while and I’ve been encouraging him to push the envelope, because carpe diem and all that jazz. All indications show that she maybe likes him too, but they’re both too chicken to say anything. Being that today is Valentine’s Day and all, I wrote  a three couplet poem for “T” on spec and said if he used it and she liked it, he owed me six bucks ($2 per couplet). If he used it and it blew up in his face, I’d pay him six dollars. I have my doubts that “T” is going to go through with it, but I welcome your words of encouragement for him on my public Facebook page or in the comments below.

In the meantime, I wrote another four couplet poem that a co-worker ordered and thought maybe I’d offer these services for a limited time. You never know, right?

So it’s first come, first serve. $2/couplet, three couplet minimum, eight couplet maximum. If you want one you should e-mail me at and make sure I’m available first. If I am available to write your poem you should send me information about you and the recipient, the general idea of your message, and how many couplets you want (3-8) and you can send me payment via PayPal. Here’s an example that I wrote earlier. The information given to me was the girl’s name, where she worked, where the two of them had been out before, their plans for the evening, and the stipulation that it should be more comical than romantic and mushy. This is what I churned out:

Good evening [lady friend]/I know it’s real late
After a long day at McD’s/I hope you appreciate..

This poem I bought / at work from this guy
Who writes dope $#!t / real quick on the fly

Hey, remember that time / we saw four one-act plays
Yeah, that was okay / I mean, I can’t complain

You know tonight I could have been / with any number of chicks
But I’m real glad I’m here / with you, watching Netflix

So there you have it. Place your orders now while there is still time. I don’t know of anyone else offering last minute Valentine’s Day poems at this price, so hurry now!

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